Wives of the Bible: Eve

Like many people, I have been taking the time during quarantine to dig more deeply spiritually.  If there's one silver lining that has come from this pandemic, I would say that it has certainly been that. And one Bible topic that has always been of interest to me is marriage. 

Now, don't get me wrong, neither my husband nor I am an expert in this topic by any stretch of the imagination.  In fact, I'd say quite the opposite.  In our first year of marriage, we've definitely realized that knowledge of a topic doesn't necessarily equip one with the application skills necessary for success in a "real life" situation.  (In other words, we may be well-studied, but real life tests are a whole new world.)

That said, I am tremendously appreciative of the Christian women and couples who've reached out to us to help us find our way in this transitional time.  For my part, I'm still trying to study on what it means to be a godly wife and achieve a godly marriage that's pleasing to the Lord.  So what better means of accountability than sharing some of the things I find in my studies on my blog?  (I mentioned the blog was going to take a very different route than before, so I am just going to share everything and do my best to "label" each post accordingly.  It will literally be what's inside Bell's Turner's brain now.) 

I've designed myself a plan to periodically study one wife/couple from the Bible and glean something of value to bring into my marriage.  I would love input from other Christian wives out there to keep leading me in the right direction, so please feel free to share!  But with one caveat... the world is brewing right now in dissension and hatred.  I recognize that not everyone may be of a similar mind in my attempt to stick to the Bible, and I recognize that.  But do not be contentious because this study is truly coming from my heart to be the best Christian and wife I can be... not to stir controversy on what such and such means and the like. 

Now... to get to my study of Eve...

I began reading in Genesis 1, around verse 26, when God explains for the first time how we (humanity) were created.  I affirmed that I am uniquely designed by God, as is my husband, with specific assignments, responsibilities, and characteristics that make me pleasing to God (and to my husband).  For example, one such trait is the description of Eve as "a helper fit for [Adam]" (Gen. 2:18, 20).  I looked up the definition of these original words and was struck by a connection to another topic I've been studying... vulnerability.  (Allow me to digress a little...)  My counselor recommended the work of Brene Brown, and so I began with the book Daring Greatly.  (There is some language here and there, but it's a transformative book!)  She goes into great depth discussing what it means to be vulnerable, and how it's completely contradictory to the definition of weakness, yet our culture continues to perceive the two as synonymous.  (I'll save the other details for perhaps a later post.)  But she does mention specifically the differences in gender processing of vulnerability... in other words, what men vs. women are each more susceptible to and how we deal with it.  Men are generally taught to not show weakness at any point, in any situation.  They are to be our fixed, non-emotional, stoic, hyper-masculine heroes... and truthfully enough, she discusses how we women are sometimes the ones who can be hardest on them about this.  We say we want vulnerability, but we don't allow them to be vulnerable... anyway, back to the definition of "help" or "helper"... the noun can be defined as "succor: assistance and support in times of hardship and distress."  And I was like, WOAH!!!  That's what God intended me to be for my husband from the very beginning!  God knew we would experience hardships, so He calls us to connection.  He says it "is not good that the man should be alone" (Gen. 2:18).  So my ability to help my husband endure is not only an admirable characteristic, but it is an essential responsibility of mine according to God!  Wow... I've got a lot of work to do.

But another major thing that I've been chewing on for a while about Eve boils down to this question...

What fruit am I offering my husband?

All of us probably know the story well (Genesis 3) of when Eve offered her husband the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, despite God's specific boundary and explanation of consequences if they disobeyed (Gen. 2:16-17).  She did what we all so often do... question God.  She was deceived by Satan's lies, which I still believe is how he affects and gets to most of us as women today.  We are quick to believe his lies, but again... that's for another post. 

So I started thinking about the inner characteristics of our God-designed husbands, combined with some reflections on what my husband and some other Christian men have bravely shared with me.  Our men want to make us happy.  That whole "happy wife, happy life" thing?  Yeah, they want that.  They go about it in some really goofy, nonsensical ways sometimes (in our female minds, lol), but they mostly want to make us happy.  They HATE to see us disappointed or denied something we want to have.  Adam could have stood up to her because he knew what God had said.  He had a choice in the matter as well.  But Eve offered him the fruit, and he took it.  And I imagine it could have been because he saw how delighted it made her!  (Therefore, if this suspicion is true, Satan used something God meant for good in our husbands - the desire to make us happy - to defeat him/us.)  I'm sure it made her happy to have it, to offer it to him.  God tells us she saw how beautiful and delightful it was (Gen. 3:6).  So she invited him to participate/partake of it with her.  

My husband does not want to see me sad.  He doesn't want to see me disappointed.  He wants to give me everything he can within reason... because it makes him feel happy, powerful, and heroic.  And I believe that's how God designed our husbands.  It's probably related to their desire to be a provider, in my opinion.  But am I making that easier or harder on him?  What fruit am I giving him?  Am I offering him fruit that will destroy and cause us to be divided (Gen. 3:12-13)?  Or am I offering him fruit that will enrich our marriage and our lives and our Christian influence?  Am I forcing him to choose between a sinful option that I'm trying to convince him is "just fine", and a righteous option that I'm pouting about and not making it easy for him to lead me in a godly direction and/or makes it difficult for him to tell me no?  

My husband wants to take the fruit I offer him because he loves me and sees it makes me happy.  So what fruit am I offering him?