Inside Bell's Brain

I mentioned in a recent post about the prevailing societal standard for womanhood: martyrdom on the altar of exhaustion.  Whether we like it or not, it's true.  Whether we accept it or not, it's true.  It's not a glamorous, Hollywood-style view of femininity (although that's a huge expectation of our phsyical bodies), but it is nonetheless the prevailing standard of measuring whether a woman is keeping her value and worth.  How exhausted is she? But when did this become the norm?  Why is this even a thing?  We know that we cannot pour from an empty cup.  We know that time spent taking care of oneself isn't wasted and it certainly isn't selfish because it helps rejuvenate us to continue our servitude.  Yet somehow, we've all been suckered into believing that taking time for ourselves is selfish.  How dare we?  When there are husbands and children and aging parents and neighbors and friends and relatives to care for, how dare we take a min...

I've struggled with my weight my entire life.  Well, since around fourth or fifth grade we'll say.  About the time that I began steroids for my asthma.  Which made me gain weight.  And then I learned to self-medicate the discouragement I felt for being "fat" with more food.  And then kids are bullies, so then I ate more food to soothe those wounds...  And then I lost the weight in high school.  And then there was mono my freshman year and I ballooned up again.  And then I lost the weight again in college.  And then there was my divorce and working three jobs while I was in grad school.  And then I lost weight yet again, even became a certified fitness instructor... and then this depression happened.  To be honest, I still have to fight the temptation to self-medicate using food. As a society, we have certain assumptions about people we judge as overweight.  People tend to assume they eat all day wit...

It's been a long long while since I tackled the "lies I believe" series I started, but I felt like the time was right to explore it a little more.  I've enjoyed blogging again and putting so many different ideas out there, and I think it's healthy and wise to discuss some of these societal pressures.  Communication and authenticity are essential for overcoming any obstacles... including these lies we've sold ourselves. As I mentioned earlier, I was reading Brene Brown's book Daring Greatly , and it really resonated with me.  I would highly recommend it, and I can't wait to get my hands on my next title from her.  But in this book, she discusses the concepts of vulnerability and scarcity.  One of the most powerful quotes that struck me was about how we live in a scarcity mindset.  The first things we think upon waking up are that "there's not enough time" and "I didn't get enough sleep".  I'm SO incredibly guilty of this,...

I’m not easy to love. I’ve never claimed to be. I’m a deeply sensitive and reflective soul. I’m a kaleidoscope of emotion. I see a thousand sides to every situation, and it takes me days or weeks to mull over things in my mind before feeling completely resolved on an issue. (And that usually requires multiple conversations with my BFFs too.) But I have passion and intensity like none other I know, and I will love more fiercely and more protectively than could ever be imagined once I break down my own walls. I am authentic to my very core, even when that authenticity shows my less than desirable traits lying right there for all to see on the very surface of my skin.  Not to beat the metaphorical dead horse here, but I have opened up about my past relationship in my last post, and the wake of that volatile relationship certainly has its place in this third lie too. Before finding myself in that relationship, I endured many years of verbal and emotional abuse as a child. No form of ab...

So many of you have reached out to me since my last post to share with me in some way how it has affected you. I’m so humbled by your courage and bravery in sharing your “lies” with me, and I’m eager to explore all our ideas together in this space.  My lie #2 is quite similar in many ways to my first. And this post is about to get as vulnerable as I’ve ever been publicly and definitely ever been online. I tend to be open about my past because it’s who I am and I have nothing to hide, but so many people (especially women) stand ready to judge and misuse your openness and vulnerabilities against you. I’m taking that risk because on the flip side, I think it’s imperative that we relate our experiences to one another to learn from each other and to keep one another from making the same mistakes (or believing the same lies). So here it goes... My Lie #2: This season will last forever.  The only constant in life is change. If that’s not true, what is?  Sometimes it changes so q...

I went back and forth about beginning the *trendy* book called Girl, Wash Your Face. It looked like it would interest me, and I had it on my proverbial wish list when I came across an article alleging some fallacies from the Christian woman’s perspective about the stances she takes in the book (which turned me off to it). My best friend too a poll and based on the responses of other Christian women, she decided to read it but purely from a secular perspective. I agreed that was a good idea and after skimming the table of contents in a friend’s copy, I decided I needed it too.  Just one Introduction and chapter in, it already had me thinking. I too have felt many of these lies in my own life, but not all of them are specific to me. So that got me to thinking... What are the lies I believe or have believed in my life?  I was able to generate a list of 10 pretty quickly and then used social media as an avenue to start collecting more lies from my friends’ perspectives. I’m...