Dear Self

Dear Erika,

Here we go again. You’ve fallen off the fasting wagon... again. And let’s face it... you used to be thick, but still fit... but that ship may have sailed. Far far away. You’ve long fallen off the fitness wagon too. 

Something’s got to give though because you’re unhappy with who you are and who you’ve become. Now, granted, you’ve been through some seriously tough and unfair crap these past few years. You’ve realized there were so many people who should’ve loved you better along the way than they did. And you know that logically, but you forget to remember it in your heart sometimes. One of those people... is you. You deserved to give yourself so much more compassion and grace than you did, still do. 

But you’ve still got to get it together. It won’t happen over night but if you have to reread this letter every day until it clicks, then DO IT. You’re unhappy with your current vessel. And you’re 34 now, so it may have limitations that it didn’t have before, but you’re overall still the only one who can do anything about it. Even if that means never losing another pound and just learning to love yourself in the skin you’re in. You’re the ONLY one who can do that for you. 

But you deserve to be healthy. You deserve to feel healthy, in every sense of the word. But if you need a reminder to fast and seek fitness, here it is:

• You are beautiful now, but you want to feel confident. 
• Controlling what you put in your body helps you feel confident. Those are decisions you are 100% in control of when nothing else in life is that simple. 
• You may feel temporary hunger and discomfort, but you’ve done this enough to know how much better you feel when you aren’t eating all the time. 
• You know the science behind the healing taking place in your body when you fast. Your body needs that inner healing. 
• Food does not govern your life. 
• Food does not give you love. 
• Food is not a constructive way to deal with your emotions or your stress. 
• You feel accomplished when you meet your goals. Especially a new fasting goal. 
• When your body adjusts to this lifestyle, you’ve already seen and tasted how good it can be if you stick to it!  
• You want your outside to match how you feel about your inside. 
• You deserve to be healthy and hopefully correct what stress and cortisol have done to your body. 
• You want to be able to live a long life with the husband you love, as much as is within your physical control to care for your physical body. 
• You want to be able to have children if God so allows. 
• Your body is a temple. Treat it that way. 
• Learning discipline through fasting will bring you so much spiritual and emotional growth. 
• You feel so awful when you eat poorly.  Especially when you eat to the point of misery. 
• You enjoyed the things your body could do when you were fitter. 
• You weren’t as tired when you weren’t carrying the extra weight.
• You want to go hiking and biking with your husband. 
• You loved the strength and endurance you’d built with weights and running. 
• You need to exercise to complete the stress cycle. Not to lose weight physically but to balance your mental and emotional health. 
• Jesus died for you. So you’re worthy no matter what you weigh. But you should live this life fully because of what He did for you. 

I don’t know what other reasons you may have thought of since you wrote this originally. But I want you to read this and keep reading it until it clicks. Some days won’t be good. And some days will be great. But really get back to it and stop falling off the wagon already. You’ve got to create consistency to see success. Even if success just means learning to love yourself again. YOU CAN DO THIS. 

Love,

This in-progress version of yourself  ❤️