God, how do you want me to love myself?

I have recently listened to a series of lessons by David Shannon on 1 Corinthians 13.  (Thanks, Whitney, for the recommendation!)  And I must say, I've never heard it presented in this much detail and with this much clarity about the charge to Christians to practice agape love.  Brother Shannon talks about how we've given 1 Corinthians 13 the title of "the love chapter" with but a cursory understanding of the depths of what God is really asking us to do.  I haven't finished the series of lessons yet (I plan to very soon), but what I've learned so far has been quite insightful, and it's inspired me to take those thoughts down the road of this post today...

Back when I was single, I saw a clever post that suggested whenever you think you've found "the one", insert his name into 1 Corinthians 13 wherever you read the word "love" or "charity".  So in one of my journaling Bibles, I did this using my own name in the place of "love" to reflect on how I measured up to the Lord's standard.  I thought I was doing pretty well.  Then I met my {future} husband.  While let's just say there were a LOT of areas that he still needed to work on to mature, that first part about "Love is patient; love is kind"... I'd never met a more patient and kind person than he was/is.  And I straight up failed in comparison.  He's continued to prove his patience and long-suffering to me in his endurance through my mental health recovery, but that's not the main point of this post...

I'm jumping around here, but I'll bring it full circle, I promise...

Back in December, I was studying or listening or reading... I'm not even sure when it hit me.  But I reflected upon Matthew 22:39 in a way I never had before.  Jesus is clear about the great(est) commandment(s) in His Word.  When asked, He explained that our first commandment is to love the Lord our God with all our heart, soul, and mind.  But then Jesus expounds upon this initial command to include an "addendum" that He values as comparable... "You shall love your neighbor as yourself."  Well, I'd read that about a hundred thousand times I'm sure, but what jumped out to me this time was the "as yourself" part.  It hit me square across the face that Jesus expects me -- COMMANDS me -- to love myself.  The point here is that I'm supposed to treat others with kindness, dignity, compassion and respect... to love them because they are a creation and reflection of God.  The implication to love these others "as myself" suggests that I have to love myself in order to do it!  But am I treating myself with the same kindness, dignity, compassion, and respect that I give to others?  And I can still answer that with a resounding NO.

This isn't mere child's play here.  In fact, it's so important that the idea is re-recorded multiple times throughout scripture: Matthew 19:19, 22:39; Mark 12:31; Luke 10:27; Romans 13:9; Galatians 5:14; and James 2:8.  Jesus means business when it comes to loving others and loving ourselves. 

So Brother Shannon asks at one point in the course of introduction to his lesson(s), "God, how do I need to love you?"  (Which is answered when Jesus says "with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.")  He continues asking, "God, how do you want me to love my neighbor?  How do you want me to love myself?"  Hence the title for this post...

That's where 1 Corinthians 13 comes into play.  It's the most comprehensive explanation and definition that we have of what love is and what it looks like.  I've certainly used it as a guide in deciding to marry my husband, but have I used it as a guide to help me learn how to love myself? 

You know what it says, probably even have it memorized, but let's re-read and examine just a few points...

• Love is patient... I fail in a lot of areas, and this is one of the chief ones.  But if I'm applying these concepts of agape love to my relationship with myself, am I patient with myself when I fall short?  Am I understanding that every day won't be a "perfect" day and that I'm bound to fail, even though I'm a work in progress?  Am I especially understanding as my body and mind change and mature... even to the point of perhaps not being able to do the things that I once could?  Or do I become frustrated and berate myself for these shortcomings?
• Love is kind... How do I speak to myself?  Are the things I'm telling myself HELPFUL or HURTFUL to me, to my growth?  Would I say these same things to my neighbor?  No???  Okay, then I must stop saying them to myself to demonstrate love toward myself.
• Love does not insist on its own way... How many times do I have an "ideal" in my mind that I'm trying to achieve and I just won't accept anything less than perfect?  Is that an edifying attitude to have toward myself?  I'm not suggesting that we abandon all pride in our work and just be sloppy, but am I striving for something so perfect that I miss the point/miss the mark?  Am I being my own worst enemy by insisting on something being a certain way that ultimately contradicts my well-being and ability to serve as a Christian?  I can't afford to be in conflict with myself like that.
• Love rejoices with the truth... How many times do I lie to myself about my own value?  Do I celebrate what God's word says about me?  Do I focus on the things that are pure and noble and true (Phil. 4:8)? 
  

I am certainly still thinking on all these things, as these ideas are fairly new in my mind.  But it's worth contemplating (and re-contemplating) whether I'm truly loving myself the way God wants me to.  If I'm not, then I'm certainly not at harmony with myself, I cannot love my neighbor the way I'm called to, and I'm likely insulting God for mistreating His creation {me}.