Admittedly I struggled with my "one little word" for this year. I'm at a really pivotal point in a great deal of things going on in my life right now but I wanted it to be a word of true meaning and significance for me...a word that represents the excitement, fear, elation, frustration, and confidence that this year is for me.
At first I thought ringmaster seemed like a good enough word. I was certainly juggling the many responsibilities I have while learning to find the most important balance...a balance to take care of myself. I was becoming a ringmaster of my own life again. (And I don't mean that in a spiritual sense because God guides my daily path. I just mean that I was taking control back of the things that have spiraled beyond my control...mostly because of my desire to make others around me happy and to be a person who can't say "no.") But I digress...
That still just didn't have the right nuance to it. This year is about more than that for me. In just under three months I turn 30! I'm losing weight and becoming a new woman. I'm re-prioritizing my own value in my life because I know my worth in God. I am doing things for myself that I've put off for too long...exercise, National Boards, sleep, time with friends, maybe even dating again should the right guy present himself in my life.
I went to an awesome conference yesterday, and that's when it really solidified for me. I had read this somewhere earlier in the week, and I wish I could give the proper person, article, site credit, but I truly cannot remember where I first encountered the concept behind this one little word. But it's simultaneously about success and failure...it encompasses this dichotomy of emotions I'm feeling and, perhaps most importantly, the attitude that I want to pass on to my students as well.
A small word.
A function word.
It delivers no content. No significant meaning, yet it changes the entire meaning of the sentence.
And that's my word.
You see, I have so many things that I want to do and am doing and will do that I'm not quite where I want to be...YET. And that's okay. I'm a thousand percent okay with that because I'm excited about this journey.
I'm not faithful, fervent, and consistent in my daily prayer and Bible study...YET.
I'm not married to a godly man who loves me the way Christ loves the church...YET.
I'm not a mother of beautiful adopted children who I have already given my heart to...YET.
I am not strong in my arms, abs, or back...YET.
I haven't achieved my goal weight or dress size...YET.
I'm not an accomplished teacher...YET.
I'm not debt-free...YET.
I'm not the woman, the beast, the boss that I want and was born to be...YET.
But I'm getting there. Day by day. Step by step. Poco a poco. But it's getting closer. I'm just not there...YET.