Dear sister who won’t keep your clothes on

Dear sister who won’t keep your clothes on,

I know what you’re going to say. If men struggle, that’s their problem. They need to learn to control themselves. But I for one have never been in my husband’s mind or body, or any other man for that matter, so I don’t know how hard it is. And you don’t either. You assume they’re wired like us and they’re not. Because we were designed differently, and God instilled in them a visual sensory level that’s so far beyond ours. I can’t understand. I’ve asked God to help me try. But I keep coming away more and more frustrated. 

You see, some men - even ones who grow up in the church - don’t have good influences or examples when it comes to sexual purity. Some of them really struggle. And you know what happens to their future girlfriends/wives?  They struggle too. They’re suddenly on a rollercoaster of fear, jealousy, and insecurity that they didn’t sign up for. 

Sister, when you choose selfishness and decide to walk around half naked and flaunt your “assets” in front of my husband (or any husband who’s not yours), you’re a stumbling block. You’re making it difficult for him to be pure, even when he wants to be so badly. 

But it’s not just him. Even if we agreed and said “men are scum and dirtbags; let them control their own eyes; it’s my body and I can wear what I want; girl power!”  Did you know the last thing you’ve done at all is create “girl power”?  You’ve disempowered me. You’ve robbed me of my confidence. You’ve distracted my energies because now I’m worried about my husband and whether he’s struggling. And because you’re getting the attention... attention that, if I’m honest, I want too... you tempt me to dress immodestly too to “keep up” with you. And yes I hold you accountable for that because we women should be sticking together for the sake of our men and our families. 

And if you can’t agape love my husband and your boyfriend/husband and other women’s potential future boyfriends/husbands and you can’t agape love me, then can you at least love yourself?  Those behaviors scream of insecurity on your part. Do you need a shoulder to cry on?  Do you need to be loved better?  Tell me. I’ve been there too. But this is not the way. Learn to love yourself better if you can’t love us; you’re the only one who you’re really and truly stuck with the rest of your life. And when God says He expects you to love your neighbor as yourself... notice that He expects you to love yourself. 

You’ll never know how many sleepless nights, angry words, broken hearts, and senseless tears you’ve caused. I would expect that behavior from the world, but I would hope that my sister would want her Christian family to make it to heaven together. And that includes my husband and me. So can you do a heart check with God, stop moving your body for attention & just keep your clothes on?