Inside Bell's Brain

One of the most difficult “longer term” things about being incapacitated at this time of the year has been not being able to fully enjoy this opportune time to dive into fixer upper projects. I am a sucker for crafty stuff and every spring/summer I like to busy myself with these little projects and spruce up the deck, porch, and occasionally even the inside of the house too.  But since recovering, I mostly just sit. I’ve been so frustrated depending on everyone else for my care and not being able to do anything I deemed “productive”. Probably in the last two weeks or so, I’ve gotten back to walking for short bursts, especially if my back isn’t bothering me. I have also gotten comfortable enough that I can sit at the computer for a while or do a little craft if I already have all the materials at waist height. So the other day I had all I could take of feeling helpless and hopeless and wanted to busy my chubby little fingers. So I had my husband organize my materials for me on table...

I saw something the other week while scrolling Facebook, and I can’t even remember what it was now... but I immediately realized that I needed to record a list of all the things I’ve missed and/or want to do when my recovery is complete. Celebrating my milestone 35th birthday in the hospital was NOT anywhere on my lifetime bucket list, but it has reminded me that things could have turned out way differently for me. And that I want to live the second half of my life much differently than the first. Some of these things are one time deals, some are just things I’ve missed, and some I may spend the rest of my life cultivating. But I want to do that with intention now. And I want it transparent so that my friends and loved ones can enjoy the journey with me or can at least cheer me on from the sidelines!   Take a ridiculously long shower... by myself Sleep in the same bed as my husband, especially without this tube coming out of my back  Go on the anniversary trips/vacations we ha...

  One thing about medical trauma and/or prolonged illness is that you learn who your true tribe is. I suppose the same should be true for other tragedies in life (though for some reason, mental health issues still seem to scare most people away from helping and nurturing at all).  But it’s true. In any and all of those situations above, you learn quickly who you can depend on. You learn quickly who comes to your rescue in your time of fear and desperation. You see it in text messages and phone calls. You see it in dinners cooked and gift cards offered. You see it in baths given and rear ends wiped. You see it in tears dried and prayers offered. In visits, errands, deliveries, surprises... an endless list of acts of service.  But the 80/20 rule pervades even that. It’s true in life that 80 percent of the work is done by 20 percent of the people. And it’s also true, 80 percent of the things that need to be done in a situation such as this are done by a mere 20 percent of th...