Lie #6: Taking time for myself is selfish and wasteful.

I mentioned in a recent post about the prevailing societal standard for womanhood: martyrdom on the altar of exhaustion.  Whether we like it or not, it's true.  Whether we accept it or not, it's true.  It's not a glamorous, Hollywood-style view of femininity (although that's a huge expectation of our phsyical bodies), but it is nonetheless the prevailing standard of measuring whether a woman is keeping her value and worth.  How exhausted is she?

But when did this become the norm?  Why is this even a thing?  We know that we cannot pour from an empty cup.  We know that time spent taking care of oneself isn't wasted and it certainly isn't selfish because it helps rejuvenate us to continue our servitude.  Yet somehow, we've all been suckered into believing that taking time for ourselves is selfish.  How dare we?  When there are husbands and children and aging parents and neighbors and friends and relatives to care for, how dare we take a minute to refocus and rededicate ourselves?  

I think the problem truly isn't in recognizing the fallacy of this belief but in the application of its conclusion.  We are intelligent women.  We "get it."  Yet, we live by the lie.  So what would a life that includes taking time for myself look like?  Most of us don't even know.  I don't even know!  But I'm trying to figure it out.  

First things first, I guess I need to prepare (either physically or mentally) a list of things that "give back" to myself.  What activities and little joys and pleasures of life make me feel most centered?  Most energized?  If I can't even answer this qeustion, I will certinly struggle in my follow-through.

It will also require prioritization.  I need to maek sure that I'm makign and keeping that appointment with myself.  If I wouldn't break a lunch date with a bestie, don't cancel my afternoon walk for physical and mental health!  If I wouldn't ignore a yearly check-up (or better yet, my child's yearly check-up), then why in the world would I forgo a much needed quiet time bubble bath?  If I wouldn't reschedule a hot date with the husband, then don't discount a solo trip to the coffee shop to get some caffeine and fresh air.  Most of the examples I used here are a little cliche, but knowing yourself adn which self-care practices are non-negotiable goes back to that first step.  then you have to schedule them and keep them.  If you aboslutely must feel productive about it, then write it down on your "to do" list so you can cross it off when you're done.  

And lastly, one with which I struggle with the most, is listening to my body.  Anticipate times of high stress and be more compassionate with yourself.  I have the hardest time practicing grace with myself but can extend it to others without hesitation.  If you are mindful and in tune with yourself, then you're going to know when you need to take that time for yourself, and you can be extra proactive in talking yourself through any guilt you have over taking time for yourself.  

And one more thing?  One thing that serves all womanhood well?  Stop perpetuating this lie.  Don't glorify your busy-ness, especially at the cost of another woman's peace or confidence.  Encourage other women to live by the same code and soon we can shatter these ridiculous standards and live healthier and more peaceful lives.  I can't help but think our husbands, children, parents, employers, and friends would thank us for it!