Pour Out

This post has been a long time coming.  Maybe four or five weeks now?  I don't know because I've truly lost track.  The hopes that 2021 would be kinder to us all were rather quickly shattered with the start of yet another chaotic and stressful January.  This appears to be the "new normal" of nearly everyone I know...

But I digress... every year I've *tried* to declare a word.  A word to define the hopes, dreams, motivation, and purpose of the new twelve months before me.  Each year since probably somewhere circa 2015 or so, I've chosen a word... and I've done absolutely nothing with it.  I mean, very little, if anything.  So I was skeptical to choose another word for myself and have another failed year tick by.  

I had already been thinking that *if* I were to select a word for this new year, it likely needed to be something related to an issue I struggle with tremendously: trust.  As I waged that inner "will I or won't I?" struggle, an encouraging sister asked me if I had a word for the year, and if I did, what it was.  (Shout out to you, Dede!  Much love for keeping me on track.) 

Well... it just so happened that around that time a certain Wednesday night Bible lesson had captivated me.  Since then, I've been mulling over a post about it (which has turned into 4-5 posts, we'll see...), and I've been saying the phrase to myself frequently.  For the first time, like, EVER, I have actually remembered and rehearsed my word when I've felt anxious or afraid or discouraged!  I've wanted to explore several sub-ideas related to it for my own personal growth, so I figured I might as well share them here so my faithful readers (all one of you... LOL, I'm just kidding!) could perhaps benefit and offer me feedback as well.  

The *plan* (and I use that word very loosely these days) is to put my word out there for all to see and then come back to explain and explore the ideas related to it over the next few weeks, as time allows. 

Pour out.  My word is more a phrase.  Pour out.  This year, more than ever before, I want to pour out everything within me.  I want to empty myself of myself so I can be filled with God instead.  I've too long held onto things I wasn't or never should've been rather than surrendered to the will of the Creator.  I like to give things over and then take them back.  I like to confess my worries and convince myself I've placed it in His hands only to return to chew it all up again later.  I'm really tired living that foolishness.  It's done me no good to this point, and to think it would now would be stupid.  

So I want to pour it all out before God.  To me, that means I will pour out myself in terms of how I...

• communicate: I will pour all my emotions out before God in prayer.
• sacrifice: I will give freely and sacrificially and let God handle the rest.
• trust: I will surrender my need to control things and trust God to be the good God He is.
• commit: I will move forward and not turn back.  

Of course, there are probably a lot of other ways to "pour out", but I felt these four were at least a good start.  While I'm not where I want to be, at the very least, I'm trying to tell myself the words "pour out" each time things don't go my way, I don't understand, or I face a setback - whether it's inconvenient or insurmountable.  And to be honest?  I'm SCARED!  I'm fearful!  Which is ridiculous, but apparently that's the very illusion of control I've been holding onto for far too long anyway.  So perhaps by this time 365 days from now, I will have poured out all that is human and feeble within me to be filled with peace and strength that I've never known before.