One Little Word, 2019 Edition

Every year, like so many of you, I try to select a word that will govern my thoughts and actions for the year. If I’m completely honest, last year’s word was a complete failure, and it’s possible that I’ve never felt more UNdisciplined in my life. (But I may come back to that at a later time.)

Today I want to focus on my 2019 word and all it means for me. Last year was such an... interesting... year for my growth. It was the year I definitely never saw coming. But I faced a lot of fears and insecurities that I had no idea still loomed under my surface. I’m still facing those, and that growth process has led me to choose the word “enough.”

I love the song “You Say” by Lauren Daigle that my friend sent me. She knows some of my inner struggles and conflict and sent me this lyrical jewel in one of my dark moments last year. I dare say it’s been on repeat pretty much ever since. 

So I also embarked on a series (more to come) on the lies I have believed after beginning the book Girl, Wash Your Face. I have confronted (or am still confronting) the deep-seated fear/insecurity/challenge/whatever you want to call it that whispers to me how I am never enough. 

I am never pretty enough. 

I am never thin enough. 

I am never strong enough. 

I am never smart enough. 

I am never kind enough. 

I am never thoughtful enough. 

I am never funny enough. 

I am never selfless enough. 

I am never humble/modest/meek enough. 

I am never godly enough. 

I am never disciplined enough. 

I am never emotionally stable enough. 

And I could go on...

But I want to flip that this year. I’m tired of hearing that, and to be honest, I believe so are the people who are trying to love me. To them, I am enough, and I imagine it’s incredibly frustrating that I sabotage their efforts to love me when I constantly contradict them with this mindset. 

So this year...

I AM pretty enough... I am beautiful because my soul is beautiful even if my external beauty fades. 

I AM thin enough... to fit in jeans 4 sizes smaller than I could three years ago. And while I’m still hopeful I will lose and become healthier, it is enough for now. 

I AM strong enough... to do things I’ve never done before, even when I was a size 10 and weighed 150 perfect little pounds. 

I AM smart enough... to have achieved my National Boards and help others do the same. 

I AM kind enough... to inspire my students to be kind too. 

I AM thoughtful enough... to shower those I love with little gifts, acts of service, and words of encouragement when I sense they need it most. 

I AM funny enough... to make those I love belly laugh from time to time. 

I AM selfless enough... even though I’m still learning to balance my needs with others’ needs. 

I AM humble/modest/meek enough... even though God isn’t finished with me yet. 

I AM godly enough... because grace is a gift and Jesus’ blood is sufficient for me. Who am I to say I am not enough when He thought I was? 

I AM disciplined enough... to keep trying every time I fail. 

I AM emotionally stable enough... because I listen to those who love me despite my flaws and I focus on always trying to improve. 

And I could go on... because I AM ENOUGH this year. ❤️❤️❤️

This year, I will decide when and how I am enough.