Lie #1: It will all be better when you...

I went back and forth about beginning the *trendy* book called Girl, Wash Your Face. It looked like it would interest me, and I had it on my proverbial wish list when I came across an article alleging some fallacies from the Christian woman’s perspective about the stances she takes in the book (which turned me off to it). My best friend too a poll and based on the responses of other Christian women, she decided to read it but purely from a secular perspective. I agreed that was a good idea and after skimming the table of contents in a friend’s copy, I decided I needed it too. 

Just one Introduction and chapter in, it already had me thinking. I too have felt many of these lies in my own life, but not all of them are specific to me. So that got me to thinking... What are the lies I believe or have believed in my life?  I was able to generate a list of 10 pretty quickly and then used social media as an avenue to start collecting more lies from my friends’ perspectives. I’m beginning this series by writing about my own though. My hope is that it sets me free of the hurts that remain in my heart, and that in the process, it might help you too. 

My Lie #1: It will all be better when you...

I think many women fall victim to this one. I can’t be the only one, right?  I feel as though I’ve spent my whole life rushing toward the next phase and somehow I’ve forgotten to enjoy the journey. My childhood was a means to the end of becoming a teenager, 13 was the segway to 16 when I could drive, 16 meant 18 was coming soon, 18 and college meant 21 was around the corner, then came my divorce and that took forever, but then I was single and needed healing. Then how long was I going to be single?  Not to mention all the weight I gained in grad school. I kept hearing my own thoughts encouraging me to hold on for the next moment just beyond my grasp. I now find myself at 32 and I’m not sure what I have to show for the last decade. I kept trying to bounce from one major thing to the next just to give myself milemarkers. 

The first “stepping stones” weren’t so bad; every child wants to grow up quickly. I would even say that is normal. But the challenging seasons drug on forever (more of this in lie #2), but I thought I could finally be happy or all this would be better once such and such happened. Once I earned my degree, once my ex finally confessed, once I had a better job, once I lost all my weight, once I paid all my debts, once I earned my Boards... and so on. 

Don’t get me wrong, I’m a goal-oriented person and I think that’s a positive thing. But I wonder sometimes if I haven’t trained or conditioned myself to rush through life telling myself that I can finally be happy once I achieve the next thing on the list. It’s a struggle for me to relax my reflective nature and just be happy in the present. This actually coincides with the first lie Rachel discusses in the book. 

I know that I can be happy in the now. I have to change my thinking and be aware of this lie to do so. I have to wake up to understand the difference in temporary setbacks and true lack of joy. I don’t think I’m an un-joyful person (if that’s a word, though my ex often accused me of such), but sometimes I’m so future-oriented that I just think I forget to live in the now. I buy into the lie that elusive happiness will come when I get that next professional goal or pay my debts off or finally reach my goal weight or dress size or start a family.  When in truth, I have everything in my possession to be happy right this second. I just have to give myself permission to live right in this second and tell myself (and perhaps this is the real key) that I deserve to be happy. It’s not selfish for me to want that, nor to receive it when God has blessed me so much. I can still have a servant heart and be concerned about others’ well-being, even if I’m happy and “smelling the roses” along the way. I don’t have to always be so task-oriented, but again, I have to be the one to give myself permission to live beyond that.